*wipes dust* is this thing on?

Hi friends!

How's everybody doing?...it's been almost 10 years.

it's 2025. I'm 35.and in a lot of ways I'm in the same place I was 10 years ago. And in many ways I'm not.

I frequently think about who I used to be. And because I sometimes resent some of the things that I've experienced, I resent the person I used to be. I want to work on that...

and since the internet is forever, and this was by far my most public endeavor, I'm going to revisit...

...THE BLOG I WROTE IN MY 20's...

...I never had a twitter...

I'm not sure how this is going to go, but there are going to be a few guarantees.

There will be *eye-rolling*, sarcasm, snark, deep breaths, uncomfortable laughter and tension.

The goal is to figure out how to have some compassion for that person. Join me on what will surely be an awkward, funny, but ultimately heart-warming journey. 

peace.

The Lord looketh on the heart, but what can I see?

Hello and welcome.

I'm blogging again.

I've decided that I'm going to study out a spiritual question(s) each week and then blog about it.

The question(s): How do I know if I am being sincere in my spiritual endeavors? How do I know if I have real intent in my heart when I pray, study, renew, or, repent? 

Here's what I've learned.

1 Samuel 16:7, that is where that scripture is found. In this story, Samuel had the task of searching out the king whom God had chosen. Jesse (as in "the rod of Jesse") presents his sons to Samuel, who is to bring about the will of God. This is where the story gets interesting.

Imagine if you will, a man being told "One of your sons is the man whom God has chosen to rule his people." Don't you think that this man would start with the one that he thought would be most fitting? And what if you were the person giving the "yes" or "no", don't you think that you would be influenced in some measure by your own thoughts and ideals?

The way picture it is this: Jesse's son, Eliab to see Samuel. Samuel thinks something along the lines of "well, he looks like he could be king." Maybe he was tall and strong. But the Lord says this to Him...

"Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

God taught Samuel, and is teaching us that the way that a person looks does not give an accurate representation of how they stand before the Lord. Our value to Him is beyond our physical appearance. It lies within our hearts. That is why the questions for this week were important to me. God doesn't really care whether I wear my hair curly or whether my foundation matches my skin tone perfectly. He cares about whether I've made a real change in my heart. My hope is that that is what I will value most as well.

To be continued...

I Finally Get It

so, i kinda forgot i had a blog. or anything to blog about. but today i have something to share.

for as long as i can remember, my favorite season has been fall. perhaps it's the fact that the name itself is a verb describing the season. the gradual drop in temperature, the leaves, the number of sun lit hours. or maybe it is change in the tone of my surroundings. the change from summer carefree air to the focused season; between light and airy summer and icy persistent winter. i've always loved the fall and never understood why people love spring so much, but today it clicked.

as i strolled through my neighborhood this afternoon. it dawned on me. people love this because it marks the end of something that just a few days ago seemed all encompassing and never ending. spring is a reminder of the universe's ability to renew, transform, and overcome. it is a testament of hope. 

normally, i'm okay with winter. it sucks, but i'm okay with it. but this year i felt a bit of desperation a couple of times having to endure this especially awful season. but today, it was clear and bright, like the sky. spring was over due. it seemed like a new beginning. a time to try again. to hope, again. and i needed that. 

Graduation: It's About Stinkin' Time!

that's right, internet i dun gradumatated.
i'm officially an edjumucated broad.

my mom came out to idaho (for the first time) for the graduation. initially, we were a bit on the fence about her coming out because it would be expensive and i didn't want to make a fuss. as loud as i am, i still have trouble with people making a fuss over me, especially my mami (that's dominican for mommy). i digress.

she called one night and said in her sappiest voice "you're the only daughter i have; i'm not going to have anymore..." "because you're old and you don't have a uterus, huh?" i responded, the epitome of sensitivity. "don't help," she continued " "i want to be there and take pictures and get a video."

so we bought her plane ticket that night.

beth and i drove down to pick her up in slc. since it was her first time in slc, we decided to get over to temple square. the lady was not impressed. figures. we got back to idaho on saturday night. late. super late.

at church, everyone was so excited to meet my mom. so i paraded her around like the cutest prettiest show pony. and we invited people over to hangout with the roommates and my mom. that was super fun, but kinda awkward. there was some unitentioall "we're mormons in our twenties so what else are we going to do" type of flirting that happened right infront of my mom and some small children. awkward. fun, though.

monday i had my last tax final-FOUR HOURS!! ugh! accounting. and there was lots of packing and cleaning.
tuesday i had my religion final in class. mom came to that. it was great. i really loved that class for a lot of reasons. my teacher made me talk more to impress my mom. that was cool.

and then....

I'm Not Dead

i've been making a more conscious effort to stay connected to people but it has proven to be a bit more difficult than i originally thought. my computer died a month before school ended, which meant that post graduation life has been technologically limited. no blogging. no email (for the most part). strictly texting and awkward phone calls. it has been fun, but today the technology gods have smiled upon me. my mom's friend gave me a laptop (and of course the thing that i choose to do is blog). i'm going to omit the details of the events that have lead to this gift because they are the personal details of this person's life and i love and respect her enough to not publish her life on the inerwebs. all i can say is that i am grateful that she is who she is and that i am now typing on a laptop that works.

please stay tuned for posts including:
graduation 2013: it was about stinkin' time
curly hair unleashed
post graduate life: kickin' it old school
job search 2013: adventures in adulthood
facebook: a reunion of all sorts


and other spectacular tales of adventure and reflection. gosh, i missed this.

peace out.

Right Now

so, first things first, i just finished a post on the roommate blog. click here. 

second, i suppose an update is in order. i haven't blogged in a while because that things that i think about the most these days seem to be more personal or accounting related than i am used to sharing on the blog. sufficient to say, that there are changes brewing. and while these changes might be normal to others, they are gargantuan for me.

moving on.

soooo, i'm graduating in july. i've no idea what i'm doing yet. do you know anyone that wants to hire a recent BYU-Idaho graduate with a BS in Accounting and a couple Humanities clusters? no? okay, well if you hear of anything go ahead and let me know, i'm pretty much willing to move anywhere 'cause jumping into the abyss that is true adulthood is freakin' me out. not every day just some days.  

don't worry, life has never been any better than it is now. i know things will work out, don't tell me that; i already know that. it is just a little helpful to worry sometimes and remember that not everything is in my control.

i'm just fine,

sam

p.s. you wanna come to my graduation? it'll be super fun :)

Watch Your Thoughts

at the end of last semester, i had a thought: "oh man, my last semester is going to be so much fun, it is going to be so easy! i'll have a few classes, but i'll be able to have lots of free time which means lots of playtime!" i was so excited. and then, i got a little text message "Can you meet with bishop tonight at 9:30?"

i've never wanted to avoid the bishop so much in my life. my roommates and i were scheduled to have a little dinner at our best chinese place in rexburg and all i could think was "pfft! i got plans! who do they think they are trying to get me to come in TODAY! no, i'm not going. what do they want anyway? i didn't do anything!"  i figured by the time that we got back from dinner, it would be too late to go see the bishop. it wasn't. i went. i got a calling.

to the dismay of many, i've been called as one of the relief society presidents in my ward. honestly, i don't know what the good Lord was thinking or why i'm doing this. what i do know is that He knows me and He knows what i have the capacity to do. He has sustained me and will continue to sustain me through all of the things that i have to do this semester. i'm grateful for the past experiences that have taught me that.

so much for an easy last semester, though.

p.s.
my roommates and i have stared a blog. i know its cheesy, but we really love each other so you can read if you want. blogity blog blog