Sigh

so in retrospect my life is really good right now. i mean really good for what it has been in the past though as usual there is a need and a desire for self improvement. sigh.
who would have thought that with age came responsibility and consciousness? sigh.
so there. as a result of my human condition i want more than what i can have as of right now. i want more out of this life than i can even wrap my brain around. i want a degree of happiness that i know i cannot even fathom. i want so much that when i think about it my heart beats a little faster and i can't breathe as well as i should. sigh.
this is my biggest struggle as of now. digesting current happiness while constantly thinking of great joy. what's your greatest struggle?

Realization

i sat on the subway car on my way home from the new job (yes a job a real one. working in an office. but thats besides the point) i pondered my existence and i realized something amazing. my life could turn out to be awesome!
think of it. i could get to the end of this journey and say "dang that was amazing!"
how simple a thought but again easier said than done as most things that are worth doing are.
so that is my thought for the next few days...this life could be awesome and totally worth the dificult things that we all have to go through. just think all in all it would be worth it and it would be amazing!