On This Friday Evening...

i wish i were the kind of blogger that posted sweet (as in tender) pictures. or filled her posts with quick quips or words of inspiration. i don't fit that category of people. instead, i'm all about not doing what is left of my accounting homework, while playing this Bob Marley song in my head. have a good weekend!

Thank You.

thank you. thank you for sharing your testimonies and your encouragement with me. thank you for reminding me that yes, i am only human, but that is all anyone is asking me to be. thank you for helping me know that i'm not the only one that feels these things and for telling me, with boldness and honesty as only you could, that the important thing is not to dwell on these. thank you for your love.

Honestly...

i've been toying with the idea of blogging for the past couple days; wondering if i have anything really worth saying at this point because the truth is i'm kind of a mess right now. a hot mess. but i've become kind of an expert at sweeping things under the rug and ignoring them until they manifest themselves in the form of an ulcer or a puss infested wound which one cannot possibly ignore. so, in an effort to try to deal with things as they come and prevent flesh wounds, here is what i've been thinking about.

so i'm a 2nd counselor in one of the Relief Societies in our ward (there are three); i have been for the past 3 or so months. i've always wondered what i was doing in a leadership position anyways, but today it was an especially prevalent feeling.

in an effort to get to know the thirty-some-odd women in the Relief Society, we handed out "get to know you sheets", i.e., handouts that they would fill out with information about their families, interests, and (the kicker for me tonight) their favorite scripture or quote.

as my roommates were out doing some college age related activity, i sat on my bed reading about these girls, wondering about their lives; where they grew up, what their families are like, and what they are planning for their futures. and i learned something. these are amazing, beautiful, God fearing women. women who find strength in a knowledge and study of the scriptures. women who nurture their testimonies by learning from their life experiences and lifting where they stand.

and i realized that i feel a great deal more pressure this semester, because some of these amazing women are some of my closest friends. friends that have served in this capacity with a love that i don't know that i can muster the courage to express. and even though i've done this before i'm scared.

scared of my capacity to fail. scared of the things that i might slip up and say, because more often than not i say things that i shouldn't. scared that they won't even like me or think that i'm insincere. scared that i will preach false doctrine and lead people astray. scared that i might offend someone. scared that i won't let someone else grow because i'm a control freak.

and so i'm sitting in my room, contemplating my inadequacies and how i am ever to get through this and do a decent job and not screw up anyone else.

ideas? advice? bad jokes?