Some Nights

some nights* my mom and i just hang around. we have family home evening and sing hyms in spanish off-key. and we watch debates and yell at the candidates. we make easy sandwhich dinners. and we laugh. and talk about things honestly and cry. but mostly, we laugh. tonight we made apple pie from scratch. nights like these are my favorite. we work together, we laugh at each other, we serve one another, and mostly we talk. and the talking is my favorite part.

aren't we just so cute and nerdy with our glasses?

i love my mom. she is the coolest person i know. she is the bee's knees. the cat's pajamas. the cat's meow. she is my home slice. ma' numba one homie g.



*i called this post some nights because this night was a rare one for our little family but also because i'm in love with the song of the same title. 

Like a Granny

i think i just got a glimpse of what old age is going to look like for me. i'm sitting in my comfy inside clothes (clothes one does not wear outside. ever.) watching political commentaries, and embroidering. on an embroidery hoop. like a granny. it's like being a boss, but you're old with less energy and zero tolerance for nonsense.

Ewww.

so i found a bug bit on my arm this morning and thought "ooo what if it is a spider bite?" i decided i would investigate. by investigate of course i mean google. (side note: google isn't just a proper noun anymore, it is a verb. fancy.) after some brief research i decided that what i have is definitely not a spider bite 'cause spider bites are disgusting. don't google it. i also learned what to do in the event of being bitten by a black widow or recluse. the more you know.

On the Heart

here's the deal: normally i shy away from religious topics on this blog, but since this is my blog and those of you who read it are mormon like myself, i have a spiritual thought to share.

i've been reading in 3 Nephi for a while now. i get caught up in verses and chapters and think about them for a long time before i can move on to the next part. i've been in chapter 10 for 4 or 5 days now. there is a line in verse 6. "and return unto me with full purpose of heart." that has been stopping me in my tracks.

the verse is about the Savior gathering His people after they have repented. it is interesting to me that He chose to focus on the heart in this verse. not on the clean hands. not on the pensive mind, but on the purposeful heart. why?

i think it is because the heart is the core. it is where your emotions and truest desires are held. if your heart is pure, even when your hands are not, you can always get back to your center. your heart is what drives you, isn't it? for me it is. if i don't feel right about something, my heart isn't settled until the rest of me catches up and does what is right. if i feel doubt, i freeze. i cannot move until the doubt in my heart has cleared. but once i know what is right, my heart is determined. it races and fights and pressures until that thing which i know is right is done.

a couple of my bestest friends have talked to me about how impressed they are with my ability to do what is right. i can't take credit for that ability, it is not my own. i did not cultivate that. it has been in me since i was a child. i feel the same way about disobeying my mother as i do about ignoring the Holy Ghost. i always have. it makes me feel like i am short of breath without actually being short of breath. it makes me feel like my insides are being compressed. it makes my heart heavy.

while doing the right thing changes everything. it makes me feel full. full of light. full of joy. full of purpose. doing the right thing, no matter how hard, makes my heart peaceful. the distinction between those emotions, between the good and the bad, is so clear to me. and it has just occurred to me that maybe that is because both the lightness and the darkness have had such prominent parts in my life. i've experienced both of them vividly. i think that is a gift. a tender mercy.

i'm grateful for the Lord, my Savior, who has provided me with a way back to Him and our Father. i'm grateful for the living scriptures. and the Holy Ghost. and the gift of a heart that wants what it wants unabashedly and apologetically.

Rebellion

i've never been one for rebellion. actually, i don't think that i've ever rebelled against anything, not memorably or openly so it can't count. but recently, the parental and i have made some sort of commitment to eating healthier. but here's the deal, i don't really eat unhealthily. i don't care much for junk food and i don't like sweets. although, i do believe that there is a time and place for all things including fries and ice cream, we've decided it would be best to not consume anything that is irresistibly delicious. that said, in support of mother dearest, i started eating more vegetables and fruits in general. not a hard thing. but after the third week of eating mostly salads and other combinations of veggies, moma needs a treat. so here i sit, at two a.m., (while mother gets her sleep as i have nothing to rise early for) drinking overly sweet herbal tea, eating the biggest end-piece of bread i've ever seen, slathered in nutella, watching gilmore girls re-runs and anxiously awaiting the impending doom of the inevitable stomachache to follow.

poor choices are indeed unbecoming.

Ugh...Sigh...Gag...Bore

my mom is making me watch "Dear John" 'cause she's bored and a sap and all i can think is this:

bye.

Confessions

1. i love t.v.
2. sometimes, only when i'm alone, i watch the real housewives. it is stupid and i know it, but i love hot messyness.
3. the ones from new jersey are my favorite. every time i watch it, it makes me want mozzarella.

that is all.

*walks away in shame. finds comfort in italian food.*