okay...

so i was going to blog about some moron's idea of a great comment on a poem.
i was going to say how stupid i think it is that people don't understand that when you preface a comment with "i don't want to offend anyone but..." then you probably shouldn't say what you're thinking about saying anyways because you are going to offend someone.
but, i'm not going to do that. instead i will focus on the good today...

today, i turned in my assignment on time.
i got to class on time.
i learned.
i appreciated the things that i learned and hope to use them latter on in my life.
i appreciate that i think differently than other people.
i'm glad that in recent years i've learned to brush things off and not let them tick me off (though somethings still do).

i think it was an average day.

Help Me Out Here

i feel i have to write this out. to sort this out. to clear my thoughts and try and move on from this.
i was just starting to get used to this friend of a friend. (it takes me time to try to understand people and want to spend time with them).
i was almost there today but, you know that saying "spoke to soon"? well, apparently, i thought too soon. i thought:
"today is a good day with this guy. i'm starting to get to know him and understand why he is friends with these girls. he seems okay". and then...

we were sitting at the diner table, having, in my opinion, the best diner conversation we have ever had and then he spoke. out of turn, out of line, in offense.

"i have trouble remembering names. when i was in africa i gave up 'cause everybody looks the same. all the africans looked the same."

i haven't decided if i'm in the right about being upset by this comment (which by the way, continued much further than this).

but, my question to self is, why am i so upset?
is it his ignorance?
why should i be upset that someone is ignorant???isn't it their problem and not mine?

the most accurate explanation i can give is that it upsets me beyond the surface problem of me thinking he is a moron. what i am really upset about right now is that someone who knows and has the same religious values as i could think this way. but i shouldn't be surprised. we all have a different set of life experiences. what affects me will not affect others the same way. we don't all get the same message from the same lecture, so why would it be different with religion, which we take upon ourselves to learn and live?

so, i guess the next step is to move on in a mature way. forgetting the feelings of the "i never want to look you square in the eye again" and "you no longer exist to me" and the ever present "how do i drop kick him in the face and not get in trouble at all "these are not the answer. right??

so what should i do? yes, you who ever you are reading this, what should i do?
what would you do? honestly.

thanks for listening. hope you've had better.

Just putting it out there...

here is something that i've learned and yet continue to re-learn almost every day. are you ready for this? it's kind of a big deal. ready?

LIFE IS FLIPPPIN' HARD!!!!!
no matter where you are and what you are doing it is going to be, for that moment, the hardest thing that you've ever been through. and as we all get older things just get more and more complicated. that is just the way it is. and like the 12 step plan, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.so the purpose of this post is mainly to remind myself that life isn't a cake walk for anyone. it may be easier for some in comparison to others, but overall, people struggle. those who look like they have got it together simply look that way because either they know something we don't or they have got the attitude to deal with what they've got with grace. we should all be so lucky. sometimes we are. sometimes we can bring it together and make it something good. sometimes we can laugh it off while it's happening. for me this isn't one of those times.so, i've decided that for today, i will allow my self some time. today, i will let it all out. today i will be a flamin' hot mess and that will be okay because when it is all gone, tomorrow will be a better day. and the hard stuff will have been worth living.

Dirty Little Secret...

okay, so i have all these secret little fantasies about life experiences that i want to have. one of them was to work in an office. i'm not a super organized person but i do enjoy lists and doing things in order, so, i guess i have the potential to be a "neat freak" but i don't like those kind of labels though they do have a nice ring to them don't they??
anyways, another little fantasy is to be a waitress. i don't know why i think it would be so interesting but growing up in a big city i wanted to experience a small diner and have "regulars" and know exactly what they want every time they came in. maybe i've watched too many movies like "it could happen to you". but i think it could be really cool.

so what's your little fantasy?

My Grievances

okay so i'm back at school like i wanted but as usual things are not going as planned.
this is something that i am trying so desperately to work on. i plan everything out to the t and then things never go the way i plan. NEVER! but i continue to plan. i've had a few years with the use of reason but i still can't handle the fact that i've got to let things flow. the thing is that life always works out a thousand times better than anything that i could ever plan, all the more reason for me to stop planning things out so much.
i need help.
that's all for now.
sam

I'm So Excited

so i arrived yesterday morning in columbus. today we went to kirtland. it was an interesting experience to visit a place where so many others have been and lived and examine their work and customs and contributions to history.
on the 3hrs drive back "home" i was thinking about where i was and what i had the opportunity to do yesterday, today, and tomorrow. as usual i was surprised that i was doing something that wasn't really in my plans for a long time but was something that i really wanted to do. i feel somewhat fulfilled and pleased with myself for taking a small chance and doing something that i wanted for myself. it's nothing big but it's pleasing and i just wanted to share my small joy and step into the dredded adulthood, because, i just want to take it slow, i don't want to reach adulthood and be shocked by it and have to change all at once. i want to do it slow and steady.

Good News Minute...

i just need to share the things that i am excited about. i used to not be openly excited about things because i believed in jinxing. now not so much. most of the time i can accept that what i want isn't always what is right for me. so here is my list of exciting things that apparently are the right thing for me:

1) the last day of work: it has been a great experience to learn and grow around great people and the celebration afterward
2) locking the double bolt for the last time in a long while
3) seeing ohio, i don't know anything about the state but i'm excited to see it (i love seeing new places)
4) seeing boof
5) seeing friends in utah
6) seeing real snow (and playing in it)
7) seeing friends in idaho (including the newly married ones weird i have married friends).
8) the new year and celebrating (i don't know what exactly what i'm doing but i'm excited to celebrate)
9) my friend's mission call

so there i'm excited. so excited i could shout it from the mountain tops. not really.
but i'm excited. what are you excited about?