Ugh...Sigh...Gag...Bore

my mom is making me watch "Dear John" 'cause she's bored and a sap and all i can think is this:

bye.

Confessions

1. i love t.v.
2. sometimes, only when i'm alone, i watch the real housewives. it is stupid and i know it, but i love hot messyness.
3. the ones from new jersey are my favorite. every time i watch it, it makes me want mozzarella.

that is all.

*walks away in shame. finds comfort in italian food.*

Chillin' with the Parental

my momma and i have been hanging out for a while now. we've started going for walks together which i really like because we get to talk about our lives and opinions. we have good conversations and sometimes they get a little crazy, 'cause we are you know. today we were talking about people with questionable professions and my mother uttered the following: "I hate the middle man between me and my money!" i guess that's why she started her own business. she is great. crazy as all get out but great. super awesome.

I Be Craftin', Yo!

so sometimes i geek out by myself and craft. "pictures?" you say? why yes, yes i do have pictures.

so i had this white, men's t-shirt that was bleh. so after seeing this, i gave it a go. i cut the neckline to a high scoop and used a black linen (that i may or may not have had since high school) and made a straight bow rather than a gigantic one because it suits me better. i'm wearing it tomorrow. i'm pretty excited.

then, i came across this little jem and since i am currently in love with all things tribal inspired, i couldn't contain myself. really though, i tried not to do this but i did it 'cause i couldn't stop myself. i decided that i didn't want to spend much money doing this. i bought cheep sneakers and a sharpie made for clothes and i used special design markers from when i was in fashion school. (side note: design markers are surprisingly strong. they can get you high as a kite without adequate ventilation during use.) 

i've also been working on some sewing repairs for the parental unit. taking in a shirt here, attaching a button there, reconstructing an entire dress, all in a day's work for a former aspiring fashion designer.

As Seen in the Crosswalk

one of the things that i've noticed since being home is the use of technology in everyday life. from little kids to adults well into their 40's and 50's, people use technology in any way they can and every moment they get. as a society, we talk about being constantly connected. there is such irony in that statement-we want to be constantly connected to the world around us while ignoring and blocking out the world around us.

exhibit a.

i was on my way home, and i saw a couple of teenagers crossing the street. this is what they looked like and what i imagined they were thinking, 'cause yeah i still think i'm funny.

(the caption reads "Because having a conversation is completely out of the friggin' question. 'Yes, we're friends, No we don't talk and walk. Eww.' (Not a direct quote)")

Lessons from Literature

i've been reading a book called In Her Shoes. i picked it up when i went to buhl, idaho with one of my favorite people in the world. she's my roommate, don't get excited. buhl is a small town that is growing at what some might consider an alarming rate. there's a fairly new mcdonald's there. while there, i rediscovered that although i rarely find cool clothes at thrifts stores, i can always find good books.

the movie, which is based on the book, is one of my favorites because of the way that it depicts the human condition. it reminds me that as human beings we are imperfect. it reminds me that i do not have the right to expect perfection from anyone or myself for that matter. it reminds me that although we do have the capacity to love, we cannot, yet, love flawlessly. it also reminds me that we would do well to learn to accept love, though imperfect (and potentially unexpected) it may be. it also reminds me that even when life changes unexpectedly, it is beautiful and wonderful.

reading the book has solidified these ideas and opinions and it has presented me with some new ones. one of the main characters is a grandmother who has settled in  "a retirement community for active seniors" in florida. in her efforts to build a relationship with a distant granddaughter, she seeks the help of one of her fellow active seniors who has had more experience with the younger generation.

"'Information,' Mrs. Lefkowitz said. 'That's what we have that the young people want . Information.' She considered. 'And some Microsoft stock, in my case. But for you, information ought to be enough.'"

as i read that, i realized how much that is so very true for me. i've always had a desire to hear the stories of those who came before. but because of distance (in one form or another) i haven't been able to hear the stories that are part of my history. and suddenly, though it happened in may, the death of my grandfather, the oldest person in my genetic coding, has become just a bit more heartbreaking.

 i realized that i won't get to hear his stories. he wasn't able to tell me to be wary of boys. he didn't teach me about farming or hard work. he never told me about walking to school, for hours, barefoot. he couldn't teach me about being a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather. he didn't teach me about what it meant to be in love or to have a spouse. and though i have learned about all of these things, i want, so deeply to be taught them by someone who will love me unconditionally and perfectly imperfectly. 

The World's Smallest Violin

remember when you were a kid and you had your tiny heart broken about something and you told your friends and all they said was "oh look i have the world's smallest violin and it's playing a sad sad song for you." no? that didn't happen to you? well it did to me. and while it was irritating then, it did (and does) help me put things in perspective.

i don't think of my self as a "positive person" or even one that you could call "happy" in the traditional sense, but i do believe that life is inherently good. but if you spend all of your time thinking about what you are not, or what you don't have, or what could have been, then you are going to miss it all. you are going to miss all the really good juicy-laugh-your-head-off-love-every-minute-of-it stuff. and more importantly, you are going to miss the point of this wonderful journey.

yes, i know that life just sucks sometimes. trust me, i'll save you the sob stories, but know that i know that it just sucks some days. but here's the deal, without the bad you can't know how really flippin' good the good truly is. so, put the tiny violin away, shred the sad sad song, and find a way to find happiness in today's part of the journey.

peace, love, and happiness. in the mean time...daisies.