Accounting and Emotions Don't Mix

i'm having one of those days. one of those days where i feel like i'm at the verge of tears every second i'm alone. it stinks. it stinks because i don't have anything to be upset about. i have an internship that is going well thus far. i have food. my friends are still amazing. and the cherry on top? it is sunny in rexburgia. cold as all get out, but today we get to see the sun. happiness.

but that said, i was sitting in accounting and my teacher is going on and on about puts and calls and stocks and bonds and percentage rates and present values and payments. while i did catch most of what he said, i couldn't make myself care. i didn't care about any of it. stupid feelings, they've basically never served me well. and now that i think about it, i've never been able to force myself to care about anything. not the trees being cut down. not the dolphins in the tuna cans. not peta. and certainly not the fate of the kardashians, though they are not really worth caring about.

either way, i've got a test to take tomorrow which means i need to be studying not wallowing. soyonara.

Rexburg...Again

i'm back in school. 'cause i still have to finish. but the greatest thing is that the end is closer now than it has ever been. 

on sunday, i had the opportunity to bare my testimony. part of that testimony is that i know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that everything that has happened in my life has been for a purpose. everything has led to this point, this amazing wonderful point. and as is the custom for the mormons, i found a quote that sums up my point: 

“However you may be, be your own source of experience. Throw off your discontent about your nature. Forgive yourself, your own self. You have it in your power to merge everything you have lived through; false starts, errors, delusions, passions, your loves and your hopes into your goal with nothing left over.”

— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Christmas Our Way

okay so here's the deal: i hate christmas. every year, after thanksgiving, (which incidentally, is my favorite holiday) i tell myself "this is is it. this is the year that i finally love christmas. this is the year that the magic happens and my heart and mind are forever changed to love this insipid holiday." and every year, it is the same. it is simply too much. i'm bombarded with echoes of bells, reindeer, snow, and the everlovin' mariah carey and her chorus of "all I want for christmas is yoooooouuuuuuoououououou!*high note* baby!" ugh... oh and let's not forget the ever patronizing "feliz navidad". i've never harbored such feelings of resentment toward a blind man. and then, i'm just back where i started. but this year was different, though not the kind of different that you would hope for.

this i year i decided that i would simply accept my feelings toward this time of year. i realized that the only reason that anytime that i wanted to change my feelings about this holiday it came from someone else telling me that i should. it was always someone else telling me that this was a wonderful thing and i should get in the spirit of it. and i felt guilty for not loving something that others love so much. but this year, i realized that in my life, i've never felt sorry for disliking things that others love. like: playing duck, duck, goose or chatting on aol or goosebumps or reading harry potter or twilight or playing sports or jell-o or star wars or ice cream with fruit in it... this list goes on and on. this year was a year of self acceptance. and it was wonderful.

this year, our family celebrated on the eve, as we always do. we went to my great-aunt's house. she's the best cook on my father's side of the family, so it was totally worth being there. but, do you know what the best part was? the best part was connecting to my past and present family by celebrating the way that dominicans do. 

after eating dinner, we danced. we put on really loud music and we danced to the rythms that past generations danced to. my great-aunt made jokes about her sister (whom we all love) and gave a great impression. my mother, between drum beats, told me about her father and reminded me how my grandpa danced before he got too religious. and i found so much happiness and caught a glimpse of the future and the past while dancing with my mami. we didn't leave my aunt's til three a.m. 

as i walked out of her building, full plate of food in hand, i said to mami "well, that's why none of the neighbors complain about the music, they all have their own music on!" she replied, "it's christmas! that's how we do it!"

I'm Just Gonna Leave This Here...

i laughed harder at this than i have at anything in a long while. i love this. the end.

Too Far

ladies and gentlemen of the free world, the legging trend has gone too far.

today i walked mom to the train. it was a nice, brisk, autumn morning. totes norms. the sun was shining. the wind was blowing. and the leaves were falling like a classic new york movie. you know, a la "you've got mail". until i saw a man in the crosswalk.

he looked average. and then i noticed that he was wearing tighty-whities. how did i know that he was wearing tighty-whities? because i could see homeboy's underwear line through his super tight workout leggings. too far. too far.

make it stop.

Ironic

those of you who read this blog probably know this about me: i'm a decent cook. oh who are am i kidding here here with the "modesty" card? i'm a dang good cook! but i'm not really proficient in the ways of sweets and treats because i would rather eat savory food. so that's what i am really good at making. i make dinner for the parental most every night, but i don't make dessert. she doesn't complain or really make requests so it's a happy life for us both. yesterday i made an exception, because let's face it, my birthday is coming up and i'm trying to score points. don't judge.

she requested spagehtti and meatballs (one of my specialties) and i decided that i would make her some  jell-o for dessert because she really likes it. this led to a discovery of sorts.

 1) i've never made jell-o.
 2) i don't know how to make it.

 apparently, i screwed up the jell-o. in my defense, i hate anything that falls into the mysterious, gelatinous, or texturally uncertain category (such a category includes, but is not limited to: tripe, liver, jell-o, jelly beans, and rice pudding). so there it is. i can cook anything, except jell-o. and you that's not even cooking.

Some Nights

some nights* my mom and i just hang around. we have family home evening and sing hyms in spanish off-key. and we watch debates and yell at the candidates. we make easy sandwhich dinners. and we laugh. and talk about things honestly and cry. but mostly, we laugh. tonight we made apple pie from scratch. nights like these are my favorite. we work together, we laugh at each other, we serve one another, and mostly we talk. and the talking is my favorite part.

aren't we just so cute and nerdy with our glasses?

i love my mom. she is the coolest person i know. she is the bee's knees. the cat's pajamas. the cat's meow. she is my home slice. ma' numba one homie g.



*i called this post some nights because this night was a rare one for our little family but also because i'm in love with the song of the same title.