a night of well mannered frivolity

i've had a number of those the past few weeks. i've had the pleasure of meeting several amazing people through one of my fantastic roommates. and well, frivolity has ensued many a time. but this evening, tonight is different.

sometimes, the most unexpected things bring the most unexpected joy. we all know that rexburg is a strange land with even stranger weather patterns. tonight, amid the thoughts of spring, it began to snow. a roommate and i decided that we needed to hole up with chips and the count of monte cristo, so we made our way to the store. there are about 6 inches of snow out there. and i was happy to see them all.

today, the snow was a happy reminder. a reminder that i have so little control over anything. a reminder of the stillness that comes from chaos; i know that sounds like an oxymoron, but trust me, there is calm in chaos. tonight, as i looked up at the white sky, i remembered that snow falls at its own pace. tonight the snow fell slow, steady, and determined. unchanged by any thoughts of wishing it away. 

life is good and i'm happy. six inches of snow and all.

Too Hot to Handle

last april, my friend beth and i went on a little hike. when we made it back down r mountain, i discovered that my arms were spotted with small red bumps. i shrugged it off, blaming it on dehydration. fast forward to the end of a zumba class. hives. hives everywhere: arms, stomach, legs.burning, itching swelling hives. every time i exercised i broke out in hives. talk about an incentive to not work out, as if i needed one.

the last straw was a couple weeks* ago. i went to what was possibly the worst zumba class of my life for only half an hour. on my way home i could feel my temperature rising. by the time i got home, my body was coverd in hives. my top lip was swollen to twice its normal size. really though, i looked like i got botox...and you know i don't need no botox! so i finally went to the health center and got it checked out.

although the doctor was surprised, he had a diagnosis: urticaria- a fancy word for hives. he also had a prescription. every night i had to take a little white pill, an antihistamine of sorts. the benefit? today, i went running. i put on my shoes and got on a treadmill. i only ran a mile, but it was the greatest mile i've ever run because at the end of it, there were no hives.

*note: i wrote this a couple days ago. by "a couple" i mean like a week.

Happy Thoughts

i feel like i haven't had a happy blog post for a while. so i will share some happiness while the endorphins are high! 

here are a few things that brought me happiness today:

*i have an internship! it is such a blessing in my life! i'm so grateful to be a the point where i can complete an internship! and you know what? i get to help all kinds of people understand something that they generally are intimidated by and it is so cool!

*i have great roommates! they are kind and funny and sometimes we rough house and since i'm bigger than they are i pretty much always win because i get to decide when to stop.

*food. glorious food. i love it and i'm so grateful to have it everyday.

*friends. i have the greatest friends! they are funny and smart and wonderful!

*co-workers. i have really great co-workers. when we are not busy with tax things we just talk and it is great.

*the love of God that i feel whenever i tune in. He is there, just waiting on me to let go of anger and frustration so that i can make room for His love.

*our clean apartment. seriously, the roommates.

*being honest with myself. (there will eventually be a post about this honesty process. at some point.)

*our home evening group. we came together and talked and decided that we would be friends! i love friends.

*my friends having babies. my co-worker thinks that she is going to somehow convince my to be more excited about having kids. we are both very single but she wants babies. i'm not on that chapter of this journey. i'm perfectly content being cool auntie sam to all those cute little babies that will eventually go back to their parents.

okay, there is my list of happy things for today! think on your happy moments!

I Wish it Were Steak

january is over, and what a month it was. i have a lot on my plate at the moment and although i've heard people say that when you have too much on your plate, the Lord makes your plate bigger, i would much rather Him turn whatever is on my plate into a big juicy steak. but i digress.

from the top: i currently have two callings (in order of acceptance) home evening group leader and second counselor in Relief Society. you may be saying to yourself "but that can't be right, i've read that variation of a calling complaint before." fret not, dear friends, tis true. the latter is a calling that i've had before, though it appears i may have missed the lesson, and so... here's to learning.

i'm also completing an internship for the much coveted accounting degree. i like taxes. there, i said it. are you happy now? it taps into every bit of accounting and office work nerdiness in me. it is great! (trust that exclamation point, i don't wield the power of exclamation lightly.) along with the internship, i'm taking what some call the most difficult accounting class in our degree program. it is kicking my butt.

i know that we are never given more than we can handle. i know that right now is right. everything is in the place that it needs to be. and life is overall good and wonderful and beautiful, but it would be better with steak. i'm just saying.

Accounting and Emotions Don't Mix

i'm having one of those days. one of those days where i feel like i'm at the verge of tears every second i'm alone. it stinks. it stinks because i don't have anything to be upset about. i have an internship that is going well thus far. i have food. my friends are still amazing. and the cherry on top? it is sunny in rexburgia. cold as all get out, but today we get to see the sun. happiness.

but that said, i was sitting in accounting and my teacher is going on and on about puts and calls and stocks and bonds and percentage rates and present values and payments. while i did catch most of what he said, i couldn't make myself care. i didn't care about any of it. stupid feelings, they've basically never served me well. and now that i think about it, i've never been able to force myself to care about anything. not the trees being cut down. not the dolphins in the tuna cans. not peta. and certainly not the fate of the kardashians, though they are not really worth caring about.

either way, i've got a test to take tomorrow which means i need to be studying not wallowing. soyonara.

Rexburg...Again

i'm back in school. 'cause i still have to finish. but the greatest thing is that the end is closer now than it has ever been. 

on sunday, i had the opportunity to bare my testimony. part of that testimony is that i know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that everything that has happened in my life has been for a purpose. everything has led to this point, this amazing wonderful point. and as is the custom for the mormons, i found a quote that sums up my point: 

“However you may be, be your own source of experience. Throw off your discontent about your nature. Forgive yourself, your own self. You have it in your power to merge everything you have lived through; false starts, errors, delusions, passions, your loves and your hopes into your goal with nothing left over.”

— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Christmas Our Way

okay so here's the deal: i hate christmas. every year, after thanksgiving, (which incidentally, is my favorite holiday) i tell myself "this is is it. this is the year that i finally love christmas. this is the year that the magic happens and my heart and mind are forever changed to love this insipid holiday." and every year, it is the same. it is simply too much. i'm bombarded with echoes of bells, reindeer, snow, and the everlovin' mariah carey and her chorus of "all I want for christmas is yoooooouuuuuuoououououou!*high note* baby!" ugh... oh and let's not forget the ever patronizing "feliz navidad". i've never harbored such feelings of resentment toward a blind man. and then, i'm just back where i started. but this year was different, though not the kind of different that you would hope for.

this i year i decided that i would simply accept my feelings toward this time of year. i realized that the only reason that anytime that i wanted to change my feelings about this holiday it came from someone else telling me that i should. it was always someone else telling me that this was a wonderful thing and i should get in the spirit of it. and i felt guilty for not loving something that others love so much. but this year, i realized that in my life, i've never felt sorry for disliking things that others love. like: playing duck, duck, goose or chatting on aol or goosebumps or reading harry potter or twilight or playing sports or jell-o or star wars or ice cream with fruit in it... this list goes on and on. this year was a year of self acceptance. and it was wonderful.

this year, our family celebrated on the eve, as we always do. we went to my great-aunt's house. she's the best cook on my father's side of the family, so it was totally worth being there. but, do you know what the best part was? the best part was connecting to my past and present family by celebrating the way that dominicans do. 

after eating dinner, we danced. we put on really loud music and we danced to the rythms that past generations danced to. my great-aunt made jokes about her sister (whom we all love) and gave a great impression. my mother, between drum beats, told me about her father and reminded me how my grandpa danced before he got too religious. and i found so much happiness and caught a glimpse of the future and the past while dancing with my mami. we didn't leave my aunt's til three a.m. 

as i walked out of her building, full plate of food in hand, i said to mami "well, that's why none of the neighbors complain about the music, they all have their own music on!" she replied, "it's christmas! that's how we do it!"